The Best Laid Plans...

Or, How to Induce a Meltdown in 15 Easy Steps!

1. Wake up and be very, very excited about how well your day is going to go.

2. Confidently plan a full afternoon of activities after a full morning of errands, knowing that your angelic children will be well-rested after their naps.

3. Tuck said angelic children in for naps. Forget to put your almost-all-the-way-potty-trained 3 year old in Pullups. Forget to reassemble baby swing correctly.

4. Pat yourself on the back after 10 minutes of silence. Obviously, your kids are napping!

5. Run upstairs at minute 11 when all hell breaks loose, and screaming /crying erupts.

6. Divide and conquer! Mommy, you unstrap the baby from the sideways, broken cradle of the swing. Dad, you clean up the accidental poop in the big boy's underwear.

7. After one hour, when it is clear that neither child is going to nap, get both kids up in an attempt to keep your busy afternoon schedule. It's going to be so much fun, after all!

8. Park your car approximately one mile away from the playground. Plan on walking there and back, in an effort to enjoy the sunshiney afternoon.

9. Change your mind about walking to the park halfway there. Go back to the car and drive to the playground instead.

10. Play at playground. Do not remove baby from her car seat, as the sunny sky is accompanied by a chilly wind.

11. Get back into the car to drive to another town. Run extraneous errands. Listen to the baby express her displeasure at being trapped in her car seat. At the top of her lungs.

12. Pop in to see some friends and their new baby. Do not feed your three year old. Do not have any extra snacks in your car. Do not bring more than one small car to entertain him.

13. Voila! You have achieved critical mass! Nuclear meltdown will be achieved in five, four, three, two, one!

14. After apologizing profusely to your friends for the very loud meltdown, load everyone into the car. Listen to three year old AND baby express displeasure at being back in the car headed home. Realize that you still have one more stop to make before you get home.

15. Get home. Pour large glass of wine. Drink wine.