"Why Do You Still Look Pregnant?"

This is the subject line of an e-mail I received from Babycenter.com. Is this a rhetorical question?

If you really want an answer, Babycenter.com, I will tell you.

Yes, it's been four months since I had my daughter. Over the course of my 3 month maternity leave, here is the breakdown of how my time was spent:

50% nursing, getting ready to nurse, cleaning up after nursing
10% changing diapers, disposing of diapers, smelling diapers
8% sleeping (ah, sleeping)
8% playing with, cuddling and snuggling my son
7% travelling in the car, with both kids and a dog, to visit out of state family
7% internet shopping and gift wrapping for the holidays
3% eating (regular food)
3% eating (holiday goodies!)
2% cleaning my house
1% showering
1% talking to my husband

In the few weeks since I've been back at work, here is a breakdown of my time:

35% working
15% nursing, getting ready to nurse, cleaning up after nursing
10% pumping milk for bottles
8% putting my son back in bed after lights out
6% sleeping (ah, sleeping)
6% playing with, cuddling and snuggling with my son
6% travelling back and forth between work, home and daycare
4% eating
4% showering
2% cleaning my house
2% washing bottles
2% talking to my husband

So, looking at that list, Babycenter.com, where do you propose I insert a workout? Which of these categories are overly padded? Time with my kids, earning money to help support our family? Oh wait, what about my virtually nonexistent time with my husband? I mean, he's expendable, right? And by inserting a workout, I'll be sure to look "hot" when he divorces me, right?

Well, you know what Babycenter.com? I don't need your judgement, and your rude e-mails. I mean, I know I subscribed to your service, but haven't we crossed the line into harassment? I don't need this kind of personal attack!

On second thought, keep 'em coming, Babycenter.com. I am not Heidi Klum. I will not be walking the runway in supermodel form a mere 8 days after my third child. And I'm fine with that. I'd rather have my 15 minutes of snuggling with my little boy in the morning than a smoking ass any day.

Author's note: After reading the actual e-mail, not just the subject line, I realize that your intention was to be supportive, Babycenter.com. However, I would STRONGLY urge you to rethink your opener. Can we still be friends?